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Jan. 1st, 2011

 

But warning: my thoughts and ramblings don't always make sense and if they offend, I offer no apologies.
 

taking a break...

I'm going to be taking a break from LJ for awhile. I need to get my head on straight, my heart back together, and my soul patched up.

I'll still be reading all of your entries, but won't be posting for awhile.

Xoxo

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Christmas

Considering this is being posted from my BlackBerry, ignore any typos. :-)

What a great Christmas break. I'm cozy in one of my parent's guest bedrooms, which still feels like home even though I never grew up in this house. This weekend was spent with my parents and younger brother and it was fantastic. I'm torn with the idea of having to go back to Michigan tomorrow, to my home. I definitely missed Dave this weekend, but the quality time with my family was needed and perfect.

We spent the first night here drinking bottles of wine, playing games, and talking about favorite childhood Christmas memories- I really was blessed witha unique childhood, especially since my most memorable ones are from when we lived in Germany for six years and got to experience our traditional Polish-American Christmas and, as well, as German traditions.

I love my parents, and "Santa", for how they spoil me, with presents and love. I got so many amazing and thoughtful gifts, which weren't needed! Mainly because early this morning my dad took my car, replaced all four tires, filled the gas tank, changed the oil, replaced a light, got an alighnment and replaced my brake pads. That alone was all I neededn but my parent were too kind with other gifts... When I say I'm blessed, I really mean. And not in the material sense, but in that the love over the weekend shown by us all was tangible, apparent.

So I have mixed feelings about leaving tomorrow. It's always bittersweet. I really do hate how far my parents live away and wish that in a perfect world, distance could be five miles, instead of five hours.

I got to see Jacques and his girlfriend. I really hope I'm able to plan a visit where I (and hopefully Dave) can spend more time with them. I realized that I have an amazing best friend and pseudo-brother in him. He would do anything for my family and I, and it's apparent in the things he does. Seeing him this weekend just made me miss him so much.

This was a great visit. And I'm so happy I took Monday off so that I will have tomorrow evening and Monday to relax, prep for New Year's- and Lisa's visit!!- and hopefully spend time with Dave.

I'm entering 2010 with a different outlook ok life; a less controlling and more open minded, a less frivolous and more financially sound mind, and most of all recognizing my blessings and those that I love, being a part of my life.

Hope you all had a great holiday with whomever you hold near and dear. xoxo

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en route...

I'm on my way home after a fantastical weekend with Dave and my parents. My parents love Dave and the feeling is mutual. We enjoyed a relaxing Friday night after a great dinner that mom cooked up. Then early to bed. Thursday night's shenanigans had me feeling a touch rough. Saturday we went antiquing where my supa nice momma got me a bunch of new old wine glasses and a carafe for my Audrey/Tash wine nights on my deck. We then went home to relax by the pool. Mom made a great spread of snacks, wine, beer, etc. And we just floated in the pool: Dave and dad bonding and mom and I spending time to talk about stuff without dave right up in my business- haha. After that, dinner in Cincy where Jacques met up with us with his gf and I almost started a fight with some U of Kentucky guys after I mentioned I was a Michigan State alum. But it ended well: the UofK guys bought my parents shots- haha!!! Afterward, my parents, Dave and I went for a carriage ride through downtown Cincy then to watch a band in Fountain Square. A perfect night! Sunday was a day of boating with The Chad and The Deb. Jacques brought his jetskis out and I went out on one of them for awhile. Other than that, just floated and enjoyed cocktails. Perfect end to a fun weekend!

Now just heading home and will be doing a lot of NOTHING solo at home. I spent the whole weekend with Dave. I'm looking forward to a night of me time, Bravo! and some reading.

Happy Labor Day!

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I heart mommy

I need to state how much my mommy is the best and how much I love her: when I call her at work [she's the manager at a Curves in Cincy. It's for fun. I wish I was working for fun.] in stead of saying, "It's great to be at Curves! How may I help you?" She answers with, "It's great to have Natasha for a daughter! Lucky me!"

Awh. :-)

Happy Thanksgiving!


Given the turn my life has taken recently, I really need to update. But the energy it would require to rehash everything just isn't something I want to do.

But I am crazy thankful for my friends and family. The last month has been, it goes without saying, a bit rough with being laid off and everything. Today, though, is going to be a day where I am going to focus on the positive. And enjoy being home with my family for the holiday. :-)

And do a survey.Collapse )

Nov. 5th, 2008

I have just been laid off of my job.

Fuck.
Me.

Meh.

If you need to borrow money who is the first person you would call?
-My daddy. Just because I’m his princess. Or my brother because he borrows from me.
J But frankly, I don’t like to borrow money.



Have you ever won a lottery prize?
-Sadly, no. Retirement isn’t in my near future which depresses me. Can I at least be a housewife?


When was the last time you slept in a sleeping bag?
-A super long time because I don’t dig sleeping bags. I’m a hotel person. An RV person. I like camping…but….I better be drunk the entire time or I’ll be pissed at the lack of clean showers and comfy beds.


What flavor Doritos are your favorite?
-Nacho cheese, bitch.


It's
11:00 on Friday night, where are you and what are you doing?
-I’m probably about to go to bed since I work on Saturdays. Or perhaps I’m at Matt’s playing Yahtzee and drinking wine. Nothing too rowdy though.


Have you ever used a gas station bathroom?
-I try not to. ::shudder::


What's on the floor of your car right now?
-Nothing. My car is anally clean. It’s how I roll. I vacuum it once a week, so if for some freak reason there was something besides a human in my backseat it would be thrown out at least weekly.


Do you know anyone with brown hair and brown eyes?
-Probably. I was going to say Nicole but I just realized she has gray/green eyes.



What year did you graduate?
-From what? High school- 2001 and college- 2005


What do you miss the most about high school?
-Lack of responsibility. The rest of high school was crap.


Are you where you thought you'd be at this point in your life?
-Oh, hell no. I thought I’d be married by now. That isn’t happening anytime soon! But I’m happy- so I shouldn’t complain.



Do you rent anything on a monthly basis?
-My apartment.



Did you have any missed calls or text messages when you woke up this morning?
-I had a missed text from Carebear replying to the picture of Olivia. It was funny.



If you want the perfect birthday cake do you make it yourself or order it?
-I’m a giant fan of cake [Dale, you are crazy for not liking cake. What the fuck is wrong with you!?] so I am not picky. But I would prefer if it was baked and decorated by my dad because he knows I adore white cake with white frosting that he makes from scratch. He will also decorate the hell out of it with flowers done in purple. He’s amazing.


What flavor pudding do you like?
-I’ll pass on pudding.



Do you send out Christmas cards every year?
-I really need to get better at that. How pathetic would it be if my Christmas card this year was myself and my cats wishing you Season’s Greetings? Gawd, if that doesn’t scream pathetic and single, I don’t know what does.


What do you do for fun in your town?
-I leave it. Because Berrien isn’t a fun town.



When was the last time you talked to your #4 friend on MySpace?
-Yesterday. I haven’t seen him today yet.



Is there anything you envy about the opposite sex?
-The ability to pee anywhere without messing up your pants.


Do you have any clothing in your closet more than 8 years old?
-A few tshirts from high school that I love and refuse to throw away even though they look like crap.



If you're in a hurry do you speed?
-I speed either way. Jacques, you could write me many a ticket.


What has been your greatest memory from summer so far?
-This summer has been a ton of fun that picking just one memory would be hard. But having Cara here and getting to see so many of my old friends from my Sembach/Ktown days has been great.


Is there anyone who calls you collect?
-People still do that?


Have you ever cheated while playing a game with someone?
-Not recently.


Have you ever made your parents cry?
-My mommy cries when I cry.


Ever think about what people would say at your funeral?
-Lord, I don’t know. Hopefully something semi nice!


If someone were to throw you a surprise birthday party with all your favorite things as the theme what would those things be?
-It would be party on a boat with cheese and wine. And hot boys.


What do you do to get motivated?
-Run


Do you take someone or something for granted?
-On a daily basis probably. You shouldn’t, but everyone does.

What is something you never leave the house without?
-chapstick


When was the last time you were disappointed?
-Two weeks ago after having a chat with Daniel. Seriously, I’m over his issues!


Have you lost faith and hope in someone you once admired or cared about?
-See above mentioned person.


When was the last time you laughed at something stupid?
-This morning at Olivia


Who do you laugh with the most?
-Carebear or Matty



Are you smiling right now?
-Nah


Do you prefer apple or orange juice?
-OJ, with a splash of vodka please.


What's your take on "puppy love"?
-Doesn’t last.


Do you live on a one way street?
-Nope.



If you needed a ride right now who would you ask?
-Any of my friends.



Do you have any old calendars in your house?
-I have two, penguin calendars.



How many decks of playing cards would you say you have?
-a few


Is there anything naughty in your bedroom?
-Shhh! It’s all hidden.




Who did you go out to dinner with last?
-Michelle!


Does chlorine in pools bother your eyes?
-No. It bothers my blonde hair though.


Is there someone you talk to on the phone every single day?
-A few friends, at least every other day. Typically one of my parents.



Are you expecting or hoping for a telephone call right now?
-I always like getting phone calls. Except recently because I’ve been antisocial and avoiding life. Ha.


Do you have a rocking chair or recliner in your home?
-I have a recliner that Oliver has taken over as his own.


Do you drink whole milk, skim, 1% or 2%?
-Skim, but I hate milk. I do like chocolate milk though.


What do you plan to do for the rest of the day or tomorrow?
-Work and then work. I’ll be home around
1-2am.



Do you make excuses when you don't want to do something?
-Of course.

I feel so.

I remember how in college, every single song I would listen to I could find a way to relate to the lyrics. I would just hear the song and thing, "That's SO me! Gawd, that's how I would put my feelings out there." Somewhere along the line I started listening more to the MUSIC of music than the lyrics.

But recently, after rediscovering my love of listening to Blink-182 in my car and singing loudly and very much off tune, I've put Angels and Airwaves, Blink, and Boxcar Racer back into heavy listening rotation.

My profile song...for the FIRST time in forever, I heard a song that describes me PERFECTLY as to where I'm at right now with everything going on in my life, with my relationships with certain people. [Okay, person. You all know what I mean.]

Sometimes
I wish I was brave
I wish I was stronger
I wish I could feel no pain
I wish I was young
I wish I was shy
I wish I was honest
I wish I was you not I

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over
Let's start over

Sometimes
I wish I was smart
I wish I made cures for
How people are
I wish I had power
I wish I could lead
I wish I could change the world
For you and me

'Cause
I feel so mad
I feel so angry
I feel so callous
So lost, confused, again
I feel so cheap
So used, unfaithful
Let's start over

Jun. 25th, 2008

I feel like today, I'm just going to cry. All day.

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